Pioneering Doctor Dennis
Mukwege from DR Congo was among the top contenders for this year’s Nobel peace
prize, this recognition was primarily for his work with rape victims in his
hospital located in Eastern Congo which has been plagued by conflict for nearly
two decades. His nation has been ripped by war and his hospital has provided a
rare sanctuary for an estimated 200, 000 women who have been raped, and have
defied distance (often travelling hundreds of miles on foot) to have both their
physical and psychological wounds healed by Dr Mukwege. In Nigeria, however,
rape is a hidden crime, not only have there being scarce data on rape, there
has been little or no persecution of known rapists, with the police often
stating that the failure of victims coming forward with charges have dampened
conviction rates. This is true as most studies conducted across major cities in
Nigeria reveals that the stigma of being known as a rape victim hinders the
victims from reporting the crime.
It is disheartening to
note that Nigerian security agents, politicians, corporate bodies, policy
makers and men have not put the issue of rape and gender based violence on the
front burners of policy making, which has an impact on the failure of curbing
the crime, or unraveling the factors which give rise to such odious act. The campaign against rape and gender based
violence is not solely in the domain of the woman activist, but should be a
man-affair, because “they” commit the crime. “They”– in the sense that, if one
engages in the act while others watch and remain silent, then the whole lot is
culpable. While being true that gender norms and stereotypes not only affect
women, they also have a huge impact on men too. And men who had experienced or
is experiencing stress and/or have had a childhood trauma stand a higher risk
or probability of them perpetrating violence against their partners, in
comparison with a man who hasn’t had a stressful life or a traumatic childhood.
Of course, some men who
have had a stressful life don’t beat women, harass them, or even tease them
because of the difficulties in their upbringing. If therefore some men in
Nigeria do not perpetuate violence against women and girls, then why do I lump
the whole lot together, right? It is because they remained and have continued
to remain silent towards the violence against women. It is true that some
Nigerian men respect women; treat them equally and have never harmed them
physically, but their failure to lend a voice in the campaign against this
menace has made them liable.
I used to be in such
category, until incidents of the rape of minors as little as 2 year old became rampant, which necessitated a changed in my
life and made me realize my potential to be the ”other man,” someone who can
easily exert his power on someone who is perceived to be less powerful,
softer-spoken, more emotional and weak. This changed everything for me, the way
I perceived my role in supporting the fight for equal rights for women, for
prevention of gender-based violence.
I now realize that, while
I stayed on the sidelines because I didn’t rape or abuse women, there were men
doing such horrible things to women, girls and children. They were defining a
type of man that the world – especially women – was beginning to detest, and
this has influenced the way every woman looks at a man. This troubled me and
should bother every man, because we have enjoyed the love of many women
(mother, wives, sisters, aunts and close friends) in our lives. I know not all
men are the same, but this didn’t make a difference until I started teaching, speaking
out and writing on their behalf. I realized that there’s a bigger role to
play. There’s a need to be an ally to women, to fight against these gratuitous
abuse and violence, because the truth is what violates them, violates all men.
Men and boys are the
perpetrators. There is no way we can prevent violence against women by
continuing to teach women to “say no to rape” – when none of them asked or wanted
to be raped. We then need to tell our friends, brothers, fathers, and other
men, “don’t rape.” All men need to get involved, call out and step up to make
sure no women or child is ever raped again.
I strongly believe that
working with men and boys has been the missing link in this campaign against
gender-based violence, not only to work with men who rape and abuse, but to
understand the masculine notions that contribute to their perpetration of
violence, which most times affect them too – physical and psychologically. It
is also important to work with men who are leading by example, who respect,
share, and love, protect, and treat women with equality. Men have a big role to
play in society. Their involvement in their children’s lives can break the
cycle of violence; men being better husbands and fathers will definitely have
an impact on the man that a child may become.
It is now time for us men
to come out of our complicit violence toward women. Our silence is also a form
of violence against women. What are we afraid of? That we will be less of a man?
It hasn’t made Dr. Mukwege any less of a man because of his actions to heal
traumatized women, but has earned multiple prizes, including a UN Human Rights
prize in 2008, and a nomination for a Nobel in 2013. You too can become a top
contender by – Stepping up, showing up, and standing shoulder to shoulder with
women in this challenging journey to end gender-based violence. Why? Because
it’s the right thing to do and because you are man enough to do it!
No comments:
Post a Comment